On the train to inverness today, I watched two RAF Tornadoes on a manouvers exercise - practising the same move over and over above the Dornoch Firth. I thought about the young men and women on board the aircraft - probably only in thier 20s or early 30s - younger than me. I realised that soon they will probably be deployed to Afganistan to fight.
I thought of thier loved ones, waving goodbye, wondering if, hoping they would return home soon, safe and sound.
I was humbled, and eternally grateful for the brave men and women who protect us. Thank you from me.
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Monday, 26 October 2009
My Home from Home
For almost 2 years now, I have had a sanctuary, a safe haven, a place of peace and warmth - my home from home. I have taken and given back to this place. There have been times when without my sanctuary, I would have drowned in the seas of despair.
Recent months, however, have left me feeling that this place is not as safe and peaceful as it had once been. There are those with their own agendas, who will kick you out of the way if you are a "threat" to them. I have began to feel the sharp, hard kicks of late, leaving me balancing precariously on the cliff-edge. Do I jump before Im kick off? Or do I gain some valuable ground, and prepare to fight another day?
Last night, I was already for jumping off into the abyss, this morning however, Im stronger, more able, and far more determined to gain back some ground. I am fed up of being reduced to tears, being emotionally bruised and made to feel worthless and doubting myself. I was reminded last night what I have to give, and that Ive done nothing wrong - and to jump would be an act of cowardice. Im no coward, that's for sure, Im just not that strong for the time being.....
When I was married, my every move was scrutinised, every phone call I made was examined(and usually listened in to), every penny I spent, every appointment I had, every book I read, you get the picture......those that are doing the kicking are watching my every move, just waiting for to slip up so they can then pounce.
This place is still my sanctuary - the good people who also shelter there have made me feel safe, warm, secure and loved - those that try to push me off the cliff-edge can never undo all that good.
Im ready to fight another day.......
Recent months, however, have left me feeling that this place is not as safe and peaceful as it had once been. There are those with their own agendas, who will kick you out of the way if you are a "threat" to them. I have began to feel the sharp, hard kicks of late, leaving me balancing precariously on the cliff-edge. Do I jump before Im kick off? Or do I gain some valuable ground, and prepare to fight another day?
Last night, I was already for jumping off into the abyss, this morning however, Im stronger, more able, and far more determined to gain back some ground. I am fed up of being reduced to tears, being emotionally bruised and made to feel worthless and doubting myself. I was reminded last night what I have to give, and that Ive done nothing wrong - and to jump would be an act of cowardice. Im no coward, that's for sure, Im just not that strong for the time being.....
When I was married, my every move was scrutinised, every phone call I made was examined(and usually listened in to), every penny I spent, every appointment I had, every book I read, you get the picture......those that are doing the kicking are watching my every move, just waiting for to slip up so they can then pounce.
This place is still my sanctuary - the good people who also shelter there have made me feel safe, warm, secure and loved - those that try to push me off the cliff-edge can never undo all that good.
Im ready to fight another day.......
Sunday, 25 October 2009
First Blog Entry - Why are School Holidays So Long?!
Schools here in the Highlands broke up for the October break two weeks ago, and dont go back until this Thursday. Yep, you've guessed it, it has rained non-stop for the past two weeks, accompanied by strong winds and wonderfully gloomy skies. Such joy, this means we are all stuck indoors, where we can engage in our fave rainy-day activities, like teenage daughter spending hours (usually all day) in her bedroom on the laptop speaking to questionable people on MSN, the wannabe teenager sits glued to the TV watching re-runs of Tracey Beaker or blaming me when her Sims person is unhappy. Oh, I forgot, the bickering and sniping that always goes hand in hand with enforced house arrest....any suggestions from me to play a game (not computer related) or to cook together, or to snuggle by the fire and watch a film is met with such cynicism that I really do wonder if family time is dead and buried.
Life as a single parent isnt all fun and games, its bloody hard work. I have no back-up or support, there is just me dealing with the day-to-day stuff. I have to be Uber-Mum who makes them do thier homework, chores, and discipline them, and I also have to be fluffy-bunny mum who is there with tissues, sympathy, wise words, and reassurance. I dont mind, I can do both - I have to - but sometimes, just sometimes, I would love there to be another adult in the house to say "go and have a cuppa/large vodka, and I will see to the kids".
Ah, a girl can dream......
Life as a single parent isnt all fun and games, its bloody hard work. I have no back-up or support, there is just me dealing with the day-to-day stuff. I have to be Uber-Mum who makes them do thier homework, chores, and discipline them, and I also have to be fluffy-bunny mum who is there with tissues, sympathy, wise words, and reassurance. I dont mind, I can do both - I have to - but sometimes, just sometimes, I would love there to be another adult in the house to say "go and have a cuppa/large vodka, and I will see to the kids".
Ah, a girl can dream......
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